As it usually is, my initial urge is to start this with “I think”
“I think” I use a form of passive voice to remove myself from taking responsibility for a decision.
“I might be leaving on October 18th.”
“I might have people get together Saturday night.”
No.
I’m leaving on the 18th.
I have the other theme I was looking for: allowing myself.
All of that about taking characters or performing parts or acting silly fits right into it. I have to allow myself.
Great, so now that I know and have told any passersby that I’m self conscious and insecure, is a 3 month road trip blowing through non-existent moneys really at all necessary? If I know what is I need to change, can’t I just change it?
Yes.
And that’s incredibly difficult.
The trip is something I want, and have wanted to take and so why not. When else would be a better time?
I’m packing my things anyway, I don’t have a full-time job, the only real ambition I have says go, drive, write, and learn. I’m going.